Jolie Petite Histoire
by LadyBakaNeko
Summary: Would it make sense if the Villain becomes the king, the Prince becomes cursed to be 100% oblivious and the clumsiest of them all saves France by being the most vulgar fairy on the wanted list? Well... it does when you mix a little fairy tale magic with miraculous Ladybug apparently (Warning Contains Crack like Humor)


**Prologue - Princess & The Peacocks**

**Fanfiction presents a Walt Disney Miraculous Ladybug Fanfic with references of anime and Fairy tales. Please read the following before proceeding; All 'U' and '****PG' rates have been removed, you may experience joy (See doctor if this persists) and your childhood beliefs may be destroyed (Unless life got to you first)… you have been warned and I will not be held responsible :P**

**I obviously don't own MLB, first the main characters would be in Lycée and romance would be a must (Marinette would no doubt agree with me ;)**

**Enjoy XxX**

It all started in a land not so far away, where magic was the norm, overrated fairy tale mumbo jumbo was a reality and villains were still ridiculously insecure attention seekers in need of some serious anger management sessions.

In this case, it was a witch with a villains profile and way too much time on her manicured hands.

"Ugly, mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all" The women smirks at one of her most prized possessions. Everyone has raved on her beauty and even her current human toy has worshipped her with the finest gold accessories from Rumpelstiltskin's store.

But a compliment was sweeter when it was a fact.

And so her father sent men to the peddler that only a select few witches knew and used his status to acquire a rare item that was suitable to his daughter's needs.

"Oh for the love of honey! Pleazze, not this stupid question again! why do I always get the vain ones." The creature ignored the snarl her new master was displaying in her favour "Besides you should know I am the fairest here, being 100 percent natural and all"

"Urgh, I hope you know I can easily destroy you with a snap of my fingers!" The cackle of magic built around the supposed fairest beauty.

"Fine but lets be clear, my services aren't free. Depending on the task, there will be either consequences or-"

"Will it affect my beauty?" Sharp blue eyes glared at the bee-like form that quickly shook its head no.

"Well then stop talking and answer my question already!" She snapped but the creature wasn't impressed with her temper tantrum nor her lack of intelligence "What are you waiting for!"

"I can't say anything if you want me to stop talking" The red angry blush spread like wildfire on the witch's pouty face "Stop mocking me with lies and speak! I have other priorities"

She rolled her own eerie blue eyes, taking the witches' words at face value… which said a _lot _"Okay then, first what is your name"

She blinked in astonishment at the question. Most people knew of her, as her family were famous amongst their kind "How do you not know of me?"

"As fantastic as I may be, I can't guess the name of my new Queen. It must be given" The bee was quickly growing tired of this stupid vain witch, she would sting the idiot that sold and trapped her if only she wasn't so delicate (aka lazy).

"I am Audrey Deschanel, the pride and glory of us purebloods" And proud she was but then again the entrapped bee really didn't care she just wanted to get back to her beauty sleep "Pleasure, really" The heavy sarcasm surprisingly went unnoticed "You may summon me as Pollen miraculous of sustainability… Out of curiosity how far do you want me to search because you're not even in the top 500 in the world"

It was no surprise when Audrey screamed in anger scaring half the hotel staff, she gritted her teeth at the possession she was quickly beginning to despise "In Paris then. Who is the fairest in Paris?!"

Pollen smiled when the answer came to mind, she was indeed a pure beauty "The fairest women of Paris is…Princess Emilie de Versailles"

Her name being called had a quick calming effect on the stupid creatures previous misdeeds but it didn't last long when she recalled; one she wasn't a princess and two, she certainly wasn't called Emilie.

"WHAT?! What is she doing in Paris!" Audrey screamed, of all people it had to be that happy-go-lucky disaster of a human?

She had never wanted to curse anyone more in her life…

"If it makes you feel better, you come 27th. Beauty is ephemeral, especially for humans so I'd just wait, you might get lucky" Pollen shrugged but looked hopefully at her temporary Queen "Do you have a honey glazed croissant by any chance?"

An evil smile lit up the witches face "No, but I do have the forbidden fruit"

* * *

Chaos soon ensued throughout the country. The threat of the cursed royal had spread wide and far. Yet, the one who received the finger-pointing just really… couldn't care less.

In his defense, he did snarl that he did not have time for petty human affairs. He was Hawk Moth for miraculous sake! The feared and powerful villain of all of France and he was currently experiencing something truly inhumane.

The fashion crisis of the century

…Yes, Nooroo was also speechless

More specifically Paris, petticoats and tights were truly becoming offensive. Didn't they realise men in tights was just simply revolting? He blamed the princes need to compensate for their lack of… growth.

It would explain their abnormal obsession in fertile birthing hips, it was a shame woman encouraged such a trend.

So to bring France back to their fashion senses, he had been in the middle of promoting his collection and making a very convincing point why constrictive designs rendered the male population sterile (*Sleeping beauty, Rapunzel need he say more?) to the mayor. Only to be interrupted by one of his butterflies relaying an order from the great guardian.

An order he would have gladly ignored if Nooroo hadn't been in the middle of a nervous breakdown. For the umpteenth time, he wondered how the unusual pixie became his familiar.

Nooroo was actually a butterfly but his master was convinced otherwise.

"Oh sire, I can see why the great master has sent you, this is indeed a grave issue" The small creature surveyed the area on their arrival in all seriousness.

The promising designer, on the other hand, was just about ready to akumatise the place but where was a worthless when he needed one? "How dare that riddle tongued fool mock my power and waste my precious time over some-SOME _PIGEONS_!" They were peacocks but Nooroo was not going to debate that tiny detail, he had dreams and he was only 3484 years old.

"Wait bro, you do magic? Bro! You gotta help us we're like cursed penguins or something. I'm just here to exterminate them ya know"

Stupid talking peacocks apparently

"Feathered commoner, you will address me as Hawk Moth and your problems are none of my concern" Before he could fly away on his beautiful butterflies and leave the noisy protest of these damn birds an apple hit his head… he favoured to ignore the fizzled sound it left behind with the old trick.

_Akuma matata _

"Silence! The perverted alien prince is about to strip his violent mai- Oh! A visitor, time to sing~" The villain did not get to see the disgraceful princess because the winged vermin started to fly at a phenomenal spee-

"I THOUGHT LOVE WAS ONLY TRUE IN FAIRY TALES, MEANT FOR SOMEONE ELSE BUT NOT FOR ME!" The ever powerful Hawk Moth was literally blown away by her voice that-that pulverised his butterflies!

Every single one of them including his little_flur_ter Buttercup

Fumbling his way out of the unconscious bird (He hoped), Nooroo used his masters astonishment to his advantage "According to great master Fu, you will be in charge of this princess as the temporary royal sorcerer. She has caused quite an uproar in the Netherlands" For once the villain turned sorcerer didn't argue, France was in the hands of a perverted monster.

He sighed in resignation, it was evident he didn't have a choice on this it was either dealing with a human(?) weapon of mass destruction or the impossible old fool.

But little did Gabriel Agreste know that Master Fu was no fool, just a meddlesome obsessed matchmaker.

And what a great matchmaker he was because the cold, ill tempered villain had fallen for the beautiful yet slightly… enthusiastic princess, who fed (poisoned) apples to her suitors (Much to Audreys furry) when she rejected them (She had received dozen boxes worth of the one fruit she's allergic to)

"Truly a match made in heaven" He nodded proud of his job well done.

"Bonjour uncle Fu, you seem to be in a chipper mood today" The fairy godmother gave a knowing smile at the mischievous elder.

Fu quietly poured tea to one of his favourite guest "Yes, my dear. I am looking forward to Hawk Moths wedding"

Silence engulfed the oriental themed room with a gaping fairy and an amused guardian "What the f-I mean wow, it's quite unexpected but I am happy for him. I wonder who managed to catch his eye"

He laughed at her question and what will soon be her reaction to the answer "Actually Sabine, I called you because you will no longer be in charge of Princess Emilie as I believe she has found her King"

A squeal of excitement burst through the women, her red gossamer wings matching her exuberance "OH! This is wonderful news, I thought she would never find someone. She said she would only marry someone like Tomoe kun…whoever that is"

"Well anything is possible my dear and I believe that would be Gabriel Agreste"

Sabine stared at poor old man as if he w-No, he _is_insane "Bu-But you said he is alrea-Oh my Tinkerbells!" Fu just grinned as she finally put the piece together but her curse had set him off "Fèihuà! And I will be the queens mother"

"Well, who knows? Anything is possible" He calmly continued to drink his tea until the sceptical fairy godmother settled down "Well I can bet that will never happen but" She shook her head in realisation "I just can't believe the most powerful villain is going to be King"

The guardian shrugged not really worried, he knew Gabriel was looking for an excuse to leave the villainry and he gave it to him, albeit in the strangest way "Now that's settled, can you do this old man a favour and get me some cookies and macarons. The green ones preferably, Wayzz has been quite taken with the Dupain boulangerie"

Sabine happily made her way while gently chiding the forever young elder "Absolutely but while I'm gone I expect you to be resting"

Fu waved innocently, smirking as she left.

Poor thing wasn't even aware she had also fallen prey to his shipping ways.

"You are really enjoying this, aren't you"

Looking up he was met with the disapproving eyes of his advisor "Come, come now Wayzz. A little matchmaking never hurt anyone"

"That is a cupids job Master! You are only interfering because of a bet you and André ma-What are you doing?!"

After he fastened his old wooden baton on his back he turned to the little turtle that had once carried the land of Atlantis "Someone needs to save the supporting characters. Who knows what Duusu will do when she finds out"

The audible gulp had the old man grinning in victory "But what about Pollen? Shouldn't we retrieve her?"

The old man stroked his beard in thought but shook his head "No my old friend, invisible threads are the strongest ties after all…I have another bet" That particular sentence was mumbled silently, his anxious companion did not need to know that.

The ever ignorant turtle could only sigh at his masters strange ways and hope there wouldn't be another OTP to come.

But fate was like the Oz shoe store with three sales personnel checking girls out (Well two were busy putting their love on paper) and one of them convinces you red ballerinas is the hot trend. Then out of nowhere a blonde bratty witch fights for the last pair. To later realise you were a dude in disguise and you can't get a refund.

"Nino says, fuck you Simon!"

But that was a story for 17 years later.

**Give me your thoughts, this is my first fic I had the balls to post :P**

**X I wish you all a miraculous Christmas X**

**Lady Baka Neko Out **


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